I've been thinking about myself a lot here lately. I've been told by several friends that I'm deeply introspective and that my introspection can get away from me and lead into self-centeredness. They're right, unfortunately. I recently got called out (again) by a friend for thinking too much about things. It's very hard discerning between the good exploratory thoughts that actually let me discover things and the thoughts that lead me nowhere but the lovely little corner where I don't know what the heck to do for fear of making a wrong move.
If I were to try and surmise all I've learned lately about myself and God and relationships and spiritual life and all that, it would have to be that which I have already had the thought of, but not grasped, which is that I need to not worry. If I am to have faith, if I am to trust, then I must trust and have faith. That's it. Trusting is about acting under the assumption that another person you are depending on will actually do as they are supposed to. If God wants to make me into the person He wants me to be, I must let Him, not try to do it myself. I'll obviously suppress the urge to yell at the old lady that takes forever to dig 7 cents out of her purse, but I'll also trust that when I say something to somebody that my meaning will be understood, regardless of whether the pitch and inflection of my voice was such that it would seem the most honest. That is something that I have worried about, as silly as it sounds. What I have a hard time grasping, for whatever reason, is that my honesty will be gauged by how honest I actually am, not by the tone of voice with which I say something I want to be honest. Haha, I really, really do think far too much. Some people (those jerks) are naturally good at thinking things through, gathering the needed information from the thoughts, then leaving the topic be. While I can think of things, I both have a hard time leaving a thought be and thinking it through properly. I need to learn to be okay with not being super good at things I want to be super good at, but can't.
Aaron Weiss, singer for mewithoutYou seems to be on this strange kick right now about being unsure of the concept of "self". Rather, that the idea and concept of one's "self" is somewhat faulty and that we build these false conceptions of our own "selves" and act as if they are our true being. He goes way deeper than I understand at this moment and level of alertness, but it's an idea I've been interested in. Strangely enough, today I read a blog posted recently about one's false idea of self and our misconceptions of our own being. From what I understand our self is our heart, all our true intentions and feelings, unknowable to a degree, and our idea of self is our mind and thought processes. My mind, perhaps more often than other people, changes and shifts. If "myself" was how I felt and thought about things then I would never be the same person, but yet I am. Multi-faceted as I am, I'm somewhat consistent. Who I am, however, has changed over the years and I am vocal about this being what God has done in my life, the ways in which He's changed my heart. See the connection?
People, very, very unfortunately, get their identities wrapped up in things they like or other people. While it's great to like things and to let people influence you positively, it's unhealthy to have the whole of who you are wrapped up in something so inconsequential as your love for music or coffee or another person. The large and obvious exception to this being when we find ourselves in Jesus, our identities found in Him, in the spiritual sense, obviously not the physical sense. Not church or religion or our love for Him. But Him. The difference is razor-thin and can easily be shifted from Jesus to our love for Jesus. Let me try to explain a little further. If our identity, who we truly are, is found in Jesus, then that's solid and unshakable. If our identity is found in church or our love for Jesus, that can be shaken by crisis or criticism.
Let me paint a picture: Someone who exists in Jesus is vocal about their relationship with Him to a degree, but doesn't flaunt it or wear it as a badge of pride. Someone who has their "I'm a Christian, I prayed today, got a problem with it?" shirt lives in the idea of their relationship with Jesus. This person has frantic and frequent ups and downs and is generally less mature. The person who exists in Jesus has smoother sailing, they are proactive and do the things that encourage their relationship rather than fret over how they should read their Bible more. Let it be stated with all seriousness and soberness that I'm not there. I'm nowhere near there. I will be there someday, as much as anyone can while still being alive and having a physical body, but today is not that day.
C.S. Lewis expounded on the phrase of being "in Jesus" in The Problem of Pain. As I understand it, being in and a part of someone else manifests itself as having a deep understanding of and rest in that person. Imagine the perfect old married couple who understand each other completely and love each other deeply. They don't fret about much. They exist as one and exist in each other. Lewis worded this much better than I can, I highly suggest reading that book, it's great overall and chock full of ideas that get you thinking.
In conclusion, Jesus alone is worthy of our selves. Our true selves. God, let us live in You the way You live in us.
Love,
Colton
P.S. Read this.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Thoughts on Hiatuses and Growing Up
So I've not blogged since January. I apologize, I now owe whoever reads my blog about five posts. I've not sat down long enough to flesh out any ideas I've had floating around. I've attempted to write a blog a couple of times but I never got around to finishing them. Here's what I had:
---
(This would have been titled "Thoughts on the Altered Consciousness and Necessity of Human Contact".)
"Separation lets the Devil in." -Adam Lutts
As much as I say that I would like to hermit myself away in a cabin for a year, it's not something I could do forever. I like being by myself, but I need people, not only emotionally, but physically. Have you ever noticed how when you break the touch barrier with someone--the point at which you purposefully make physical contact with another person rather than accidental--you grow much closer to them? Their jokes are funnier, you're happier to be around them, you think about them more often. It's not in a romantic way, though it can be.
I love hugs. I love them.
---
("Thoughts on the Bad, the Understandable, and the Best")
God's Grace is a dang wonderful thing. The thing that is kind of frustrating is that it's oftentimes really hard to tell what is good and acceptable and what is not, simply because the intent of our hearts is the determining factor is this. I think that because of God's Grace, our actions and thoughts as Christians are loosely divided into three categories: the Bad, the Understandable, and the Best. The Bad and the Understandable are kind of grey and the lines aren't so defined. The Bad is a pretty recognizable thing, including things like lying, murdering people
---
Those are some of the thoughts I had during my radio silence these past few months. I've had a couple of friends comment on how they weren't sure I was alive. I am, mostly. I've just . . . I dunno, been quiet. The clarity I have at times is now escaping me. It'll come back. The murk I find myself in will subside, I'll be loud and at my happiest again. One thing I've had trouble remembering since I had learned it is that the peaks and valleys aren't always a bad thing. The peaks are so much fun, I'm always so happy up there and things come so naturally and easy, but I can't stay there forever. It does need to be said that in the valleys, I'm not at my best and I'm more prone to succumbing to my inherent sinful nature. That is to say, I'm a butthole.
The solution to this valley and my mild butthole nature right now? Read my Bible more and more consistently and purposefully, pray more consistently, stuff like that. It's really simple, basic stuff. The foundational stuff is foundational for a reason.
I'm trying my best to grow up. Hopefully, prayerfully, by the time I'm all grown up and stuff I'll have good habits in place. And crap, I don't want to be a Christian moralist, one who focuses completely on morals and tacks Jesus' name onto what I believe. No, I want Jesus to be the center of what I believe.
Also, but much less importantly, I hope I can successfully work out getting a new car in the next month.
Love,
Colton
---
(This would have been titled "Thoughts on the Altered Consciousness and Necessity of Human Contact".)
"Separation lets the Devil in." -Adam Lutts
As much as I say that I would like to hermit myself away in a cabin for a year, it's not something I could do forever. I like being by myself, but I need people, not only emotionally, but physically. Have you ever noticed how when you break the touch barrier with someone--the point at which you purposefully make physical contact with another person rather than accidental--you grow much closer to them? Their jokes are funnier, you're happier to be around them, you think about them more often. It's not in a romantic way, though it can be.
I love hugs. I love them.
---
("Thoughts on the Bad, the Understandable, and the Best")
God's Grace is a dang wonderful thing. The thing that is kind of frustrating is that it's oftentimes really hard to tell what is good and acceptable and what is not, simply because the intent of our hearts is the determining factor is this. I think that because of God's Grace, our actions and thoughts as Christians are loosely divided into three categories: the Bad, the Understandable, and the Best. The Bad and the Understandable are kind of grey and the lines aren't so defined. The Bad is a pretty recognizable thing, including things like lying, murdering people
---
Those are some of the thoughts I had during my radio silence these past few months. I've had a couple of friends comment on how they weren't sure I was alive. I am, mostly. I've just . . . I dunno, been quiet. The clarity I have at times is now escaping me. It'll come back. The murk I find myself in will subside, I'll be loud and at my happiest again. One thing I've had trouble remembering since I had learned it is that the peaks and valleys aren't always a bad thing. The peaks are so much fun, I'm always so happy up there and things come so naturally and easy, but I can't stay there forever. It does need to be said that in the valleys, I'm not at my best and I'm more prone to succumbing to my inherent sinful nature. That is to say, I'm a butthole.
The solution to this valley and my mild butthole nature right now? Read my Bible more and more consistently and purposefully, pray more consistently, stuff like that. It's really simple, basic stuff. The foundational stuff is foundational for a reason.
I'm trying my best to grow up. Hopefully, prayerfully, by the time I'm all grown up and stuff I'll have good habits in place. And crap, I don't want to be a Christian moralist, one who focuses completely on morals and tacks Jesus' name onto what I believe. No, I want Jesus to be the center of what I believe.
Also, but much less importantly, I hope I can successfully work out getting a new car in the next month.
Love,
Colton
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thoughts on the Hardened Heart
Tough skin and a soft heart. That's what Aaron Jones, long time mentor and friend, told me I'd need to have to be in the kind of ministry I want to be in. Hardness of Heart, to use some Christianese, is an awful thing. To say that it's all bad would be incorrect since God chose to harden the hearts of people at times in order to accomplish His will. There is a difference, however, between that and a heart hardened by choice of the owner.
"I'm really detached," would be what I would say if I were joking with my friend Jordan, but it's the truth to a degree. I am and have been in this strange place where my mind, or essence, or spirit or whatever is being polarized and I'm getting to watch it. It sounds kind of dramatic, but rather than there being one Colton, there are two: the old Colton who was a jerk and liked that fact, and the new Colton who's more mature and sensitive. If I'm paying attention, I go back and forth between those two sporadically. The strange part is that I can immediately observe my decisions and reactions and can tell which Colton did what.
Stop.
Okay, the thing I've just realized/remembered is that I'm thinking too much about myself. That's kind of how I got to where I am. Introspection is a good thing to a degree, but easily and quickly leads to self-centeredness, which is a symptom of having a hard heart. To surmise this initial point and move on to the next and main point, God is slowly working out the bad habits I have by showing me what they look like and their effects. It's really weird. There's a lot more, but that's a different blog.
I know I've said that if I could physically see Jesus, if I could be with Him in the same room, that would be enough to keep me from ever sinning again. I know many others have said that, too. This, unfortunately, is just not true. Take for example the disciples: Twelve dudes who were with Jesus constantly, yet they betrayed him for petty things, lost focus, bickered among themselves, and just plain sinned in His presence. Jesus went so far as to call Peter Satan. That must have hurt. Now imagine you are Judas Ischariot. With Jesus always, Him doing nothing but loving you and helping your dumb self along, planning to give him up for some cash.
Hardness of Heart is a creeping thing. It sneaks in without you noticing it and it kills you. It takes so many forms that I can't hardly begin to expound upon them. If it is powerful enough to cause the Israelites to lose hope and make and worship a golden calf when they were waiting on their leader to come down with the very word of God, if it is powerful enough to convince a man who was constantly in the presence of God incarnate to sell Him out, it's certainly powerful enough to sneak in and convince you to be a jerk to your mom. I know this.
I've prayed a lot lately that my heart would not be hard, that I would be given a heart of flesh. As great and terrible a thing as a hardened heart is, it is conquered. Perhaps not in the time or fashion I would like, but knowing that God is sovereign I'm not going to fret too much about it.
One thing that has been glaringly clear as of late is that I don't have it right. There was a short time where I thought I did, but still had the knowledge that I couldn't have had it right. God grants me my honest prayers, I just have this way of praying for hard lessons. Gah. One thing I know is that it is almost never a "one and done" type deal, that the whole process of salvation is just that: a process. Philippians 2:12-13 is a strange and notable passage.
There's so much I have to say, but sorting out what is relevant to this topic and what is a different topic and what is simply something I must say to myself is a really large task that I don't care to tackle right now. That and it's lunch time.
Love,
Colton
"I'm really detached," would be what I would say if I were joking with my friend Jordan, but it's the truth to a degree. I am and have been in this strange place where my mind, or essence, or spirit or whatever is being polarized and I'm getting to watch it. It sounds kind of dramatic, but rather than there being one Colton, there are two: the old Colton who was a jerk and liked that fact, and the new Colton who's more mature and sensitive. If I'm paying attention, I go back and forth between those two sporadically. The strange part is that I can immediately observe my decisions and reactions and can tell which Colton did what.
Stop.
Okay, the thing I've just realized/remembered is that I'm thinking too much about myself. That's kind of how I got to where I am. Introspection is a good thing to a degree, but easily and quickly leads to self-centeredness, which is a symptom of having a hard heart. To surmise this initial point and move on to the next and main point, God is slowly working out the bad habits I have by showing me what they look like and their effects. It's really weird. There's a lot more, but that's a different blog.
I know I've said that if I could physically see Jesus, if I could be with Him in the same room, that would be enough to keep me from ever sinning again. I know many others have said that, too. This, unfortunately, is just not true. Take for example the disciples: Twelve dudes who were with Jesus constantly, yet they betrayed him for petty things, lost focus, bickered among themselves, and just plain sinned in His presence. Jesus went so far as to call Peter Satan. That must have hurt. Now imagine you are Judas Ischariot. With Jesus always, Him doing nothing but loving you and helping your dumb self along, planning to give him up for some cash.
Hardness of Heart is a creeping thing. It sneaks in without you noticing it and it kills you. It takes so many forms that I can't hardly begin to expound upon them. If it is powerful enough to cause the Israelites to lose hope and make and worship a golden calf when they were waiting on their leader to come down with the very word of God, if it is powerful enough to convince a man who was constantly in the presence of God incarnate to sell Him out, it's certainly powerful enough to sneak in and convince you to be a jerk to your mom. I know this.
I've prayed a lot lately that my heart would not be hard, that I would be given a heart of flesh. As great and terrible a thing as a hardened heart is, it is conquered. Perhaps not in the time or fashion I would like, but knowing that God is sovereign I'm not going to fret too much about it.
16 Therefore say, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.’ 17 Therefore say, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: I will gather you from the peoples and assemble you out of the countries where you have been scattered, and I will give you the land of Israel.’ 18 And when they come there, they will remove from it all its detestable things and all its abominations. 19 And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, 20 that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. 21 But as for those whose heart goes after their detestable things and their abominations, I will bring their deeds upon their own heads, declares the Lord GOD.” Ezekiel 11:16-21 ESV
One thing that has been glaringly clear as of late is that I don't have it right. There was a short time where I thought I did, but still had the knowledge that I couldn't have had it right. God grants me my honest prayers, I just have this way of praying for hard lessons. Gah. One thing I know is that it is almost never a "one and done" type deal, that the whole process of salvation is just that: a process. Philippians 2:12-13 is a strange and notable passage.
There's so much I have to say, but sorting out what is relevant to this topic and what is a different topic and what is simply something I must say to myself is a really large task that I don't care to tackle right now. That and it's lunch time.
Love,
Colton
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thoughts on Romanticism and Winter
I have this great habit of being able to throw myself down into a funk. I haven't yet figured out how to rein in my emotions and feelings to the point of being able to function normally in arduous times. I'm not a self-pitying mess like I used to be, but I just get in these weird funks. And you know, it may just be that it's winter and that's where a lot of people are right now: in weird funks. People keep alluding to and mentioning the strange spiritual season we're all in right now, maybe that's it.
Something I noted recently that makes sense but didn't cross my mind until now is that I tend to really hate romanticism. The beautiful stories of two people getting together, the wonderful tragedy of a spurned lover, destined to marriage to the warm haze from a bottle of whiskey, the lone hero sticking to his beliefs despite the whole world being against him. Yeah, all that stuff is good and well I guess but I have an admittedly very cynical view of it all.
1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
3 He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord. 4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.
6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand—
you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
Psalm 40, NLT
Part of me wants to be the handsome hobo who gave everything up for love. A really big part of me.
Love,
Colton
Something I noted recently that makes sense but didn't cross my mind until now is that I tend to really hate romanticism. The beautiful stories of two people getting together, the wonderful tragedy of a spurned lover, destined to marriage to the warm haze from a bottle of whiskey, the lone hero sticking to his beliefs despite the whole world being against him. Yeah, all that stuff is good and well I guess but I have an admittedly very cynical view of it all.
I really doubt there are hobos that handsome. (Side note: I literally just opened up my Facebook and saw this at the top of my news feed. This is not helping my cynicism.)
The cold, bitter, logical part of me would just like to throw all that out. To be truthful, I have and it's not treated me well because of it. Perhaps it's the sheer number of times I've seen people caught up in some false romance, be it a flurry of emotions worked up to take place of a real relationship with God or be it one of any number of immature, tempestuous relationships. The thing I just now got is that it's not the romance that's bad, but rather how it's handled. Romance is an emotion in a way and just like any other emotion, it needs to be properly handled. In my banishment of the romantic ideals, I've replaced the relationship with a stoic acquisition of knowledge which has only gotten me so far.
The moral? Lewis pointed it out well in The Screwtape Letters when he essentially said that any extreme, save for extreme dedication to loving God, is bad. My dedication was to approaching God through logic, not through His Son. There are certain personality traits, negative things we gravitate towards, that we will all have to overcome in our pursuit of God, but that doesn't make those things inherently bad. So I suppose the moral is look to God and don't let anything distract you, which includes looking at and analyzing things that may inhibit your relationship with God. We can get caught up in anything, especially things that aren't inherently bad.
I started writing this with the intention of disdaining romanticism, but I ended up with a strange, sappy feeling in my heart towards my Savior who chooses to love me despite my constant refusal to love Him. Of all the ways He could speak to me, He chose to have me listen to a song that I really needed to hear, despite my cynicism towards signs like that. As I drove down Clinton Highway on a cold Sunday morning with the sun hitting my face, I cried as the weight of a loving Son weighed on me with the gentlest of touches. I could and will go back and forth forever on what actions to take and what mindsets to assume but I'll never really get that far with that. Only God.
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
3 He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord. 4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.
6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand—
you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
Psalm 40, NLT
Part of me wants to be the handsome hobo who gave everything up for love. A really big part of me.
Love,
Colton
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Thoughts on Getting What I Asked For
I'm going to be waking up about five hours from now, getting ready for work. I specifically asked for nothing for Christmas and I was granted my wish, I could only imagine reluctantly. My parents love me and want me happy. This has been a major driving force in many of their decisions they've made in life. I won't say it has been the only driving force since they're human and alive and are incapable of purity of heart which can be defined as to want one thing. For that reason, I don't blame them for anything. They're human, bound to make mistakes and be selfish.
I've recently realized that I've had prayers answered lately. The prayers have been along the lines of "please show me my brokenness, make me aware of it constantly." I was granted this and now I don't know how I feel about it. Even as I asked for it, I knew that I didn't know fully what I was asking for, I knew that any romantic notions of self-awareness of dependance on God or whatever I was going on about were probably going to be dashed as the reality of pain and need set in. Ignorance is indeed bliss, I've found. Sometimes I yearn for it. It sucks, knowing you need someone else to always help you. I mean really knowing it, not some scholarly "Yea verily, it is a sad truth," type thing where you know it but are detached from it. If you don't know it, that's fine, most won't and will be content with it.
One thing which has been liberating is knowing that I'm really no different or better than anyone else. Yeah, I can do some stuff other people might not be able two, but there are people that can do that same stuff better, and the people who can't do the stuff I can, can in turn do stuff that I myself can't. No pressure. My accolades and things I can pride myself on are pretty useless and meaningless in eternity. I'm happy when I do something of eternal significance, but I'm happy with the knowledge that I was driven to do whatever it is because of the love and grace God has shown me. The Bible spares no feelings when saying that all our righteousness is a used tampon. This could be referring to the unsaved and not those who know and love God, in fact it talks about the crowns we'll receive in Heaven for our deeds. Taking those two statements at face value, okay sure, we're not totally useless. But you can't help but look at an almighty and perfect God and think of yourself and what you do as being pretty small in comparison.
Dryness or awareness or perhaps just winter, whatever this season of the soul is, I'm decidedly lonely. That is, I've chosen to be lonely. For what end, I don't know just yet, but I know that I'm dependent on God and I'm pretty certain I always will be. No romanticism, no flowery poems, no built-up emotions leading to a cry for Abba--not the band--find me here, lonely and confused about a lot of stuff.
Now I want to be clear that this isn't a cry for friendship or sympathy or anything. I actually am quite happy, but I've been taking stock of the importance of things that have made me happy in the past and I've found that the stuff that has made me happy has been mostly temporal, unimportant stuff. I've sequestered myself and deprived myself something that really truly does make me happy and that's meaningful conversation, especially about how good God is and what He's done. I've erred in that regard, potentially others.
To conclude, I've gotten what I asked for and now that I have it, I see what it is. Now, to ask for and go about getting the next set of things I need. Let's find out what it is. I suppose I'll talk to some people.
LOVE,
Colton
I've recently realized that I've had prayers answered lately. The prayers have been along the lines of "please show me my brokenness, make me aware of it constantly." I was granted this and now I don't know how I feel about it. Even as I asked for it, I knew that I didn't know fully what I was asking for, I knew that any romantic notions of self-awareness of dependance on God or whatever I was going on about were probably going to be dashed as the reality of pain and need set in. Ignorance is indeed bliss, I've found. Sometimes I yearn for it. It sucks, knowing you need someone else to always help you. I mean really knowing it, not some scholarly "Yea verily, it is a sad truth," type thing where you know it but are detached from it. If you don't know it, that's fine, most won't and will be content with it.
One thing which has been liberating is knowing that I'm really no different or better than anyone else. Yeah, I can do some stuff other people might not be able two, but there are people that can do that same stuff better, and the people who can't do the stuff I can, can in turn do stuff that I myself can't. No pressure. My accolades and things I can pride myself on are pretty useless and meaningless in eternity. I'm happy when I do something of eternal significance, but I'm happy with the knowledge that I was driven to do whatever it is because of the love and grace God has shown me. The Bible spares no feelings when saying that all our righteousness is a used tampon. This could be referring to the unsaved and not those who know and love God, in fact it talks about the crowns we'll receive in Heaven for our deeds. Taking those two statements at face value, okay sure, we're not totally useless. But you can't help but look at an almighty and perfect God and think of yourself and what you do as being pretty small in comparison.
Dryness or awareness or perhaps just winter, whatever this season of the soul is, I'm decidedly lonely. That is, I've chosen to be lonely. For what end, I don't know just yet, but I know that I'm dependent on God and I'm pretty certain I always will be. No romanticism, no flowery poems, no built-up emotions leading to a cry for Abba--not the band--find me here, lonely and confused about a lot of stuff.
Now I want to be clear that this isn't a cry for friendship or sympathy or anything. I actually am quite happy, but I've been taking stock of the importance of things that have made me happy in the past and I've found that the stuff that has made me happy has been mostly temporal, unimportant stuff. I've sequestered myself and deprived myself something that really truly does make me happy and that's meaningful conversation, especially about how good God is and what He's done. I've erred in that regard, potentially others.
To conclude, I've gotten what I asked for and now that I have it, I see what it is. Now, to ask for and go about getting the next set of things I need. Let's find out what it is. I suppose I'll talk to some people.
LOVE,
Colton
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thoughts on Contentment and American Greed
There's a very fine line in between contentment and "settling," I think. I couldn't say where this line is, exactly. I guess that's the point of this post. I've heard it said that the greatest enemy of "the best" is "good." In regards to God's perfect will for us, of course I want what's best, not just what's good. Depending on how reformed you are, this may be a non-issue since His will is unalterable. You'll always get His best, His plan A. One scripture which has bugged me ever since I really thought about it is when Jesus mentioned Moses making provision for divorce because of the hardness of their hearts. Divorce was not the best choice, nor was it plan A.
Let's start with this: I think it's important to be content. In 1 Timothy 6, it talks about godliness with contentment. If I had to sum up the topic of settling vs. contentment, I'd have to say that we ought to be content with what we have like food and clothes and such since getting obsessed with stuff will drive us away from God. For pertinent stuff like who we're going to marry and getting a good job, it's a little trickier since you can get carried away in really anything. Be happy with what is good for you. Some of the most happy and content people I've met are people in third world countries who don't have anything. I won't say to settle for a spouse who isn't good for you just because you're content. I won't say not to, though.
Basically, it's this: We want more and more stuff because the world tells us to be number 1, which requires us to have the best stuff. This mindset causes us to never be content with what we have; we'll always need a cooler car, a better phone, a nicer guitar. (I've wanted all three of those within the last week, by the way.) Where discontent goes wrong is when we desire things that don't matter and when we fail to be thankful for what we do actually have. It's not a sin to want a new phone, but it becomes one when you go on and on about how you hate your phone and can't stand it and just have to have a better one. If it works half the time, you're better off than a good portion of the world who doesn't have a phone at all. Where we go really wrong is when we start the prosperity gospel bullcrap and start talking about all the stuff we deserve because of our salvation. "I'm faithful to God, therefore I should have this nice truck." If you do have a nice truck, count it as a blessing. If you have a vehicle at all, count it as a blessing. A blessing is a gift, not something we deserve. Christians have a good way of using God to justify our desires and point of view. God does not conform to us.
Now we can be content to the point of not really desiring anything much at all. This can be good, but it can be bad. I don't have a huge desire for a nice job or a college degree. When I get to Heaven, having a nice job or college degree or not won't matter. But it would still be good to have them because having those things would help me in effectively serving people. Better job means more money to donate and use for stuff other than the mortgage.
So where is the line between healthy discontent and greed? It's when you fail to be thankful and fail to desire things that will in some way help your or someone else's relationship with God, but rather trivial things. You focus on yourself. Where's the line between healthy content and laziness? It's when you fail to desire and go after things that will help your or someone else's relationship with God because you're content to be lazy.You focus on yourself
The moral of the story? Desire God. Be thankful. Desire noble things like political justice and things that will help your ministry. But first and foremost, desire God and His commands. His commands don't mold around us, God doesn't automatically want what we want.
God is enough. God is everything. Singulare Momentum.
Love,
Colton
P. S.
I didn't flesh this out like I wanted to but it's been sitting in my browser for three days and I wanted it posted. Also, Joel Osteen is going to have some explaining to do when he gets to Heaven.
♥-c
Let's start with this: I think it's important to be content. In 1 Timothy 6, it talks about godliness with contentment. If I had to sum up the topic of settling vs. contentment, I'd have to say that we ought to be content with what we have like food and clothes and such since getting obsessed with stuff will drive us away from God. For pertinent stuff like who we're going to marry and getting a good job, it's a little trickier since you can get carried away in really anything. Be happy with what is good for you. Some of the most happy and content people I've met are people in third world countries who don't have anything. I won't say to settle for a spouse who isn't good for you just because you're content. I won't say not to, though.
Basically, it's this: We want more and more stuff because the world tells us to be number 1, which requires us to have the best stuff. This mindset causes us to never be content with what we have; we'll always need a cooler car, a better phone, a nicer guitar. (I've wanted all three of those within the last week, by the way.) Where discontent goes wrong is when we desire things that don't matter and when we fail to be thankful for what we do actually have. It's not a sin to want a new phone, but it becomes one when you go on and on about how you hate your phone and can't stand it and just have to have a better one. If it works half the time, you're better off than a good portion of the world who doesn't have a phone at all. Where we go really wrong is when we start the prosperity gospel bullcrap and start talking about all the stuff we deserve because of our salvation. "I'm faithful to God, therefore I should have this nice truck." If you do have a nice truck, count it as a blessing. If you have a vehicle at all, count it as a blessing. A blessing is a gift, not something we deserve. Christians have a good way of using God to justify our desires and point of view. God does not conform to us.
Now we can be content to the point of not really desiring anything much at all. This can be good, but it can be bad. I don't have a huge desire for a nice job or a college degree. When I get to Heaven, having a nice job or college degree or not won't matter. But it would still be good to have them because having those things would help me in effectively serving people. Better job means more money to donate and use for stuff other than the mortgage.
So where is the line between healthy discontent and greed? It's when you fail to be thankful and fail to desire things that will in some way help your or someone else's relationship with God, but rather trivial things. You focus on yourself. Where's the line between healthy content and laziness? It's when you fail to desire and go after things that will help your or someone else's relationship with God because you're content to be lazy.You focus on yourself
The moral of the story? Desire God. Be thankful. Desire noble things like political justice and things that will help your ministry. But first and foremost, desire God and His commands. His commands don't mold around us, God doesn't automatically want what we want.
God is enough. God is everything. Singulare Momentum.
Love,
Colton
P. S.
I didn't flesh this out like I wanted to but it's been sitting in my browser for three days and I wanted it posted. Also, Joel Osteen is going to have some explaining to do when he gets to Heaven.
♥-c
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thoughts on Christians (a Rant)
I'll start off with the topic I had thought about writing about the other day. Then I'll start hollerin' and cussin'.
I find it ever more strange how people can just look at other people and know if they're Christian or not. Now I've been surprised in the past by finding out someone was Christian that I didn't know was, so at least for me it's not always something I can see. Yeah, the ankle-length denim skirt is going to be a giveaway, but it's more than that. Stranger still is that non-Christians can even tell who the Christians are. When I went out for my birthday, some very drunk people decided to get on the stage at Boyd's Jig and Reel and sing really loudly, off-key, and profanely. And they kept on. And we told them to get off the stage. And they kept on. And I went up and calmly explained that I was trying to have a nice birthday dinner with my friends. And they kept on. When the Kenny Rogers look-a-like bouncer got them off the stage, the guy who was the leader for their impromptu, drunken band mumbled "fucking Christians" as he got off the stage. I'm really glad I didn't hear him for several reasons. It's just strange because we weren't wearing Christian t-shirts, we didn't have our Bibles on the table, half of the people there at my party weren't even Christian. But somehow he knew.
Maybe it was the fact of us not wanting him to yell "mammaries" while plunking away on an upright bass that gave it away, but I feel like anyone wanting a nice quiet dinner would request the same. This was an instance where we were well-behaved and we handled it calmly and properly. But there are too many instances where Christians are assholes. There is no other word for it. I called a long-time friend "fat" tonight because I thought it would be funny. That makes me a really big jerk. Be it reasons like this or more "holy" reasons, Christians get a really bad rap. This is because we freaking deserve it. We are not known for our love as Jesus commanded us to be. No, we're known for being ignorant assholes. This breaks my heart.
Jesus' name wasn't meant to be used as a PR trick. It wasn't meant to get people on your side so they'll vote for you or to use your plumbing service. No, Jesus' name was meant to inspire love and spread hope. Jesus' name was not meant to justify our own agendas and ideals. Jesus name was meant to revolutionize and utterly shift our wicked selves.
There's so much wrong with the Church. Jesus' bride, at the moment, is sullied and short-sighted. I want to be clear when I say that I don't give a shit about your healing ministry when people died because they stopped their HIV medication because you said they were healed. I don't give a shit about your prayer meetings when your marriage just ended because you couldn't pull your head out of the false glory you conjure up. And I don't give a shit about what small titles you hold in your church when you can't stop criticizing your friends on absolutely inconsequential, trivial shit.
(That last one there, that one is me.)
To be very clear, I have seen a man regain his sight in front of me. I have seen impossible things happen because of prayer. I've seen prideful, ignorant people teach me lessons that leave me feeling more prideful and ignorant than I thought they were. It's ultimately all redeemed by the sacrifice of the blood of Jesus, all our stupidities and sin, but with only some foresight we can make it better for ourselves and save ourselves some heartache. Jesus is and wants to be our Redeemer, but I really honestly think He wants us to make good decisions that glorify Him, too. We're constantly given the chance to either glorify God or make fools of ourselves and we all too often do the latter. It's because we never focus on the very basic principles.
We need to love people more. That's it. I need to love people more. When you love somebody, the focus is on them. But no, we just focus on ourselves and what we want and pleasing whatever stupid, contrived ideas we come up with. We inexplicably have the crowned King of the Universe, in His entirety, contained within us, but we still focus on ourselves! I prayed to be ever-aware of my dependence on God and this is what I'm shown!
I try to run from Christianese. I don't care about your weekly prophecy bulletin. I don't care about increasing my territory. I don't care about your trip to the Third Throneroom that's decorated in lilac and cherubim. The unimportant stuff tends to be first in our line of visions and thus what we focus on. My Coke is flat, she was mean to me, I hate my job. Because we're "saved", we think we're entitled to stuff. We complain about things that don't matter!
I could go on about this forever. I say all these things knowing I'm not excluded from them. The winter makes me cynical. I am wrong about things and a couple of years down the road I'll look back and go "oh man, what was I thinking?"
We are irrevocably dependent on the Love and Grace of Jesus Christ. "5Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." Phil 2:5-7
We don't get it. I pray we do. I believe. Help my unbelief.
Love, the only important thing, the thing I wish I had more of,
Colton
I find it ever more strange how people can just look at other people and know if they're Christian or not. Now I've been surprised in the past by finding out someone was Christian that I didn't know was, so at least for me it's not always something I can see. Yeah, the ankle-length denim skirt is going to be a giveaway, but it's more than that. Stranger still is that non-Christians can even tell who the Christians are. When I went out for my birthday, some very drunk people decided to get on the stage at Boyd's Jig and Reel and sing really loudly, off-key, and profanely. And they kept on. And we told them to get off the stage. And they kept on. And I went up and calmly explained that I was trying to have a nice birthday dinner with my friends. And they kept on. When the Kenny Rogers look-a-like bouncer got them off the stage, the guy who was the leader for their impromptu, drunken band mumbled "fucking Christians" as he got off the stage. I'm really glad I didn't hear him for several reasons. It's just strange because we weren't wearing Christian t-shirts, we didn't have our Bibles on the table, half of the people there at my party weren't even Christian. But somehow he knew.
Maybe it was the fact of us not wanting him to yell "mammaries" while plunking away on an upright bass that gave it away, but I feel like anyone wanting a nice quiet dinner would request the same. This was an instance where we were well-behaved and we handled it calmly and properly. But there are too many instances where Christians are assholes. There is no other word for it. I called a long-time friend "fat" tonight because I thought it would be funny. That makes me a really big jerk. Be it reasons like this or more "holy" reasons, Christians get a really bad rap. This is because we freaking deserve it. We are not known for our love as Jesus commanded us to be. No, we're known for being ignorant assholes. This breaks my heart.
Jesus' name wasn't meant to be used as a PR trick. It wasn't meant to get people on your side so they'll vote for you or to use your plumbing service. No, Jesus' name was meant to inspire love and spread hope. Jesus' name was not meant to justify our own agendas and ideals. Jesus name was meant to revolutionize and utterly shift our wicked selves.
There's so much wrong with the Church. Jesus' bride, at the moment, is sullied and short-sighted. I want to be clear when I say that I don't give a shit about your healing ministry when people died because they stopped their HIV medication because you said they were healed. I don't give a shit about your prayer meetings when your marriage just ended because you couldn't pull your head out of the false glory you conjure up. And I don't give a shit about what small titles you hold in your church when you can't stop criticizing your friends on absolutely inconsequential, trivial shit.
(That last one there, that one is me.)
To be very clear, I have seen a man regain his sight in front of me. I have seen impossible things happen because of prayer. I've seen prideful, ignorant people teach me lessons that leave me feeling more prideful and ignorant than I thought they were. It's ultimately all redeemed by the sacrifice of the blood of Jesus, all our stupidities and sin, but with only some foresight we can make it better for ourselves and save ourselves some heartache. Jesus is and wants to be our Redeemer, but I really honestly think He wants us to make good decisions that glorify Him, too. We're constantly given the chance to either glorify God or make fools of ourselves and we all too often do the latter. It's because we never focus on the very basic principles.
We need to love people more. That's it. I need to love people more. When you love somebody, the focus is on them. But no, we just focus on ourselves and what we want and pleasing whatever stupid, contrived ideas we come up with. We inexplicably have the crowned King of the Universe, in His entirety, contained within us, but we still focus on ourselves! I prayed to be ever-aware of my dependence on God and this is what I'm shown!
I try to run from Christianese. I don't care about your weekly prophecy bulletin. I don't care about increasing my territory. I don't care about your trip to the Third Throneroom that's decorated in lilac and cherubim. The unimportant stuff tends to be first in our line of visions and thus what we focus on. My Coke is flat, she was mean to me, I hate my job. Because we're "saved", we think we're entitled to stuff. We complain about things that don't matter!
I could go on about this forever. I say all these things knowing I'm not excluded from them. The winter makes me cynical. I am wrong about things and a couple of years down the road I'll look back and go "oh man, what was I thinking?"
We are irrevocably dependent on the Love and Grace of Jesus Christ. "5Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." Phil 2:5-7
We don't get it. I pray we do. I believe. Help my unbelief.
Love, the only important thing, the thing I wish I had more of,
Colton
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