I've begun to understand what my older friends say when they say "the older I get, the less I know." I am at ease with the fact that I think I know everything when I don't actually know much of anything. The wonderful fact that seemingly opposing thoughts can in truth be the same thought is great. I've found some small emotional maturity in the fact that I now know I have none and will have only a little by the time I die. My complete and utter dependency on Jesus is the only thing of importance. In the light of Jesus' perfection, I am a very small and very dumb creature and that is good. I've grown up a lot recently, enough to realize I've a long way to go and for some odd reason, I look forward to it.
I've become truly happy with life recently. This, I think, is due in part to my allowing myself to be dependent on God and the fact that I'm beginning to experience love in the sense of the Greek word "agape". This is God's love for me and the love I yearn to show others because they have shown me. Unhindered, unconditional, benevolent love. I am thankful for what I have and am somewhat aware of Jesus and the Goodness of Everything.
The silly, un-Charismatic thing about all this is that I don't feel a darn thing aside from joy. I don't have the warm fuzzies when I hear the name Jesus, I don't feel approving eyes looking on me from Heaven, I don't see the slow-motion, billowy tunics of angels flying around, but I have an understanding and a joy that comes from that understanding and that is all I want or need. The warm fuzzies have led me astray far too many times for me to be too fond of them, but this, however, I think I'll keep.
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 ESV
All things work together for good and for the glory of God. That is freaking amazing. So amazing, in fact, that I feel no need for consistency in my posts or coherence in my thoughts.
Love,
Colton
P.S. Though I halfway promised I wouldn't talk about it anymore, the next blog will be dedicated to Post-Modern thought: the pros, cons, and why I generally don't like it.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A Poem on Art
This pertains more to nude photography than art in general. I have my thoughts on general art, but I'll save those for another blog.
A Poem on Art
Fake porcelain skin and a vacant stare find my gaze.
Enticing curves, evoking emotion, supposedly.
A well-trained eye, and lines taught my attention to raise.
The naughty bits given an intrinsic meaning, given focus, uncovered.
The beautiful things, meant to accent, now amaze.
Lust becomes confused with emotion, but they are not the same.
Love,
Colton
P.S. For some reason, my typing sucks today.
A Poem on Art
Fake porcelain skin and a vacant stare find my gaze.
Enticing curves, evoking emotion, supposedly.
A well-trained eye, and lines taught my attention to raise.
The naughty bits given an intrinsic meaning, given focus, uncovered.
The beautiful things, meant to accent, now amaze.
Lust becomes confused with emotion, but they are not the same.
Love,
Colton
P.S. For some reason, my typing sucks today.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Life in Front of a Screen.
I've spent a large portion of my life either in front of a T.V. or a computer, oftentimes both. It weirds me out how I become uneasy when I'm at home and I'm not in front of a screen. I'm still getting used to not having a T.V. in my room after it being gone for months now.
I crave information. I'm terrible at storing the information away, perhaps in part due to the fact I take in so much. For this reason, I have the T.V. or computer or music or some combination of the three going a most times. I feel weird without one of those three, especially if it's quiet. I like feeling weird, however, so I've been going without these things more frequently lately. I'm still pretty terrible at not having things going all of the time, but again, I'm better than I have been. I don't feel so bad about the music as I do the T.V. or computer. I waste so much time because of those things and that's just not okay.
On a side-note, I also crave truth. I think the reason I'm argumentative a lot of times stems from my yearning for truth. I'm simply not happy with being close to the truth or having part of it, I must have all of it. Truth is hard to peg down these days, unfortunately, and not everyone wants it. Some people are happy with being approximatists, but I'm not so when it comes to finding out the truth of something. That's not to say they're in the wrong for not thoroughly searching the truth. Ideally, we all will search it, but we are made differently and that is okay, provided we understand that and act accordingly. That is one of my biggest struggles. Side-note ended.
But yes, information intake: I like it. I'd go on about it more and how it pertains to part of my personality and how it affects the rest of my life, but I'm too tired and wary of narcissism to do so.
In conclusion, I dislike silence and not being in front of a screen. I am a product of the 21st Century and that isn't so bad a thing, provided it doesn't get out of hand. As a friend has said, "good" is the worst enemy of "the best." I strive for self-improvement, but the fact that I'm nowhere near perfect is okay since Jesus is so dang good.
Love,
Colton
I crave information. I'm terrible at storing the information away, perhaps in part due to the fact I take in so much. For this reason, I have the T.V. or computer or music or some combination of the three going a most times. I feel weird without one of those three, especially if it's quiet. I like feeling weird, however, so I've been going without these things more frequently lately. I'm still pretty terrible at not having things going all of the time, but again, I'm better than I have been. I don't feel so bad about the music as I do the T.V. or computer. I waste so much time because of those things and that's just not okay.
On a side-note, I also crave truth. I think the reason I'm argumentative a lot of times stems from my yearning for truth. I'm simply not happy with being close to the truth or having part of it, I must have all of it. Truth is hard to peg down these days, unfortunately, and not everyone wants it. Some people are happy with being approximatists, but I'm not so when it comes to finding out the truth of something. That's not to say they're in the wrong for not thoroughly searching the truth. Ideally, we all will search it, but we are made differently and that is okay, provided we understand that and act accordingly. That is one of my biggest struggles. Side-note ended.
But yes, information intake: I like it. I'd go on about it more and how it pertains to part of my personality and how it affects the rest of my life, but I'm too tired and wary of narcissism to do so.
In conclusion, I dislike silence and not being in front of a screen. I am a product of the 21st Century and that isn't so bad a thing, provided it doesn't get out of hand. As a friend has said, "good" is the worst enemy of "the best." I strive for self-improvement, but the fact that I'm nowhere near perfect is okay since Jesus is so dang good.
Love,
Colton
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Rainy Day Blog on the Totality of Christ
I wish it were easier to understand the things that are hard to understand. It's obviously going to be hard to grasp something I don't want to be true, but unfortunately my desire for it to not be true has little to no bearing on how true it is. Hey, that sounds very un-post-modern! Okay, enough ragging on post-modernism for now. I have two friends who actually get my jokes on it and neither have read this blog. Wouldn't want to sound pretentious or anything. :)
Rather than doing the typical rainy day blog type thing and prattling on about how frustrated I am, I will defeat that attitude by focusing on the totality of Jesus Christ and how nothing freaking matters but Him.
1"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
AND...
8"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8
People suck, we all (read as: I) fall short of the glory of God, but that's quite alright since we (read as: I) have an advocate Jesus who seems to be quite fond of us (read as: me). I've ended up talking about God a lot more than I intended to in the blog, which isn't a bad thing at all, I don't think.
Love,
Colton
P.S. I didn't say much in this blog because I did not intend to. I said all that needs to be said; the above statement about the totality of Christ is all-encompassing and nothing more ought to be said. Kick your personal problems in the balls because Jesus Christ, the son of the one true God, freaking loves you and is taking care of you. Nothing more needs to be said, we (read as: I) just need to realize His love for us and the power he has.
P.P.S. On a side note, for clarity's sake, today's emotion is fervor.
P.P.P.S. I've edited this dang blog five times now, forgetting to say or clarify things and making spelling errors. I'm leaving it be now.
Rather than doing the typical rainy day blog type thing and prattling on about how frustrated I am, I will defeat that attitude by focusing on the totality of Jesus Christ and how nothing freaking matters but Him.
1"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
AND...
8"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8
People suck, we all (read as: I) fall short of the glory of God, but that's quite alright since we (read as: I) have an advocate Jesus who seems to be quite fond of us (read as: me). I've ended up talking about God a lot more than I intended to in the blog, which isn't a bad thing at all, I don't think.
Love,
Colton
P.S. I didn't say much in this blog because I did not intend to. I said all that needs to be said; the above statement about the totality of Christ is all-encompassing and nothing more ought to be said. Kick your personal problems in the balls because Jesus Christ, the son of the one true God, freaking loves you and is taking care of you. Nothing more needs to be said, we (read as: I) just need to realize His love for us and the power he has.
P.P.S. On a side note, for clarity's sake, today's emotion is fervor.
P.P.P.S. I've edited this dang blog five times now, forgetting to say or clarify things and making spelling errors. I'm leaving it be now.
Thoughts on John 12: 1-8
Since I need a blog for today and need to gather my thoughts on the aforementioned scripture, I thought I might combine the two. First, the verse in ESV:
1Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5"Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?" 6He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7Jesus said, "Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me."
One thing I got from reading this time around which I've managed to miss before, or forget about if I knew it before, was the part about Judas wanting to sell the ointment, not for the purpose of helping the poor, but so that he could steal some of the proceeds. The theme of this passage is about sacrifice, something Judas knew nothing about. Regardless of Judas' intentions, Jesus insisted they let Mary do as she meant to. It was a sacrifice from her to Jesus.
Many of us in the Christian worship realm have heard of the term "sacrifice of praise" before and thought it meant getting up at 7am on a Sunday to play in the worship band. The notion of having to wake up a little extra early on the weekend, pitted against pouring out every bit of something you have worked a year for seems trivial. If you were to space out your silly sacrifice, it would take you seven years to begin to equal what she did, and even then actually working at a job instead of getting up early, grabbing a latte and going to play five four chord songs is almost always harder. The fact she did this so easily and freely in one moment which would be soon gone speaks of how much she cared for the man who's feet she wiped with her hair. Think about that for a moment, working for a year straight in order to bless one man on one night, then to get down and wipe his nasty feet with your hair. None of us know sacrifice like Mary did, or like King David.
The amazing, wonderful, glorious, redeeming fact behind all of this is that Jesus loves whatever we do actually sacrifice to him. The story of the woman who gave all she had at the offering at the temple, when others were giving sizable sums, she gave what would be the equivalent of dropping a ten in the offering plate when that is every bit of money you had. Jesus saw this and it meant more to Him than all of the other offerings. Mary, if she had the chance would have done the same thing for Jesus if the ointment was worth 10 years' wages. Sacrifice is about giving what we have, withholding nothing.
Let me reiterate, Jesus loves any small sacrifice we give to him. He wants all of us, but is overjoyed when we, in our fragility and humanness, give him only a portion. He knows we are human and imperfect, that is precisely why He completed the work of salvation. In Jesus is completeness. He makes up for our lack.
In conclusion, give all you have. Withhold nothing, for the opening of our eyes to see who He is is what praise is, and this requires sacrifice. "Nothing good has ever come without sacrifice."
Love,
Colton
1Six days before the Passover, Jesus therefore came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2So they gave a dinner for him there. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table. 3 Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 5"Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?" 6He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. 7Jesus said, "Leave her alone, so that she may keep it for the day of my burial. 8For the poor you always have with you, but you do not always have me."
One thing I got from reading this time around which I've managed to miss before, or forget about if I knew it before, was the part about Judas wanting to sell the ointment, not for the purpose of helping the poor, but so that he could steal some of the proceeds. The theme of this passage is about sacrifice, something Judas knew nothing about. Regardless of Judas' intentions, Jesus insisted they let Mary do as she meant to. It was a sacrifice from her to Jesus.
Many of us in the Christian worship realm have heard of the term "sacrifice of praise" before and thought it meant getting up at 7am on a Sunday to play in the worship band. The notion of having to wake up a little extra early on the weekend, pitted against pouring out every bit of something you have worked a year for seems trivial. If you were to space out your silly sacrifice, it would take you seven years to begin to equal what she did, and even then actually working at a job instead of getting up early, grabbing a latte and going to play five four chord songs is almost always harder. The fact she did this so easily and freely in one moment which would be soon gone speaks of how much she cared for the man who's feet she wiped with her hair. Think about that for a moment, working for a year straight in order to bless one man on one night, then to get down and wipe his nasty feet with your hair. None of us know sacrifice like Mary did, or like King David.
The amazing, wonderful, glorious, redeeming fact behind all of this is that Jesus loves whatever we do actually sacrifice to him. The story of the woman who gave all she had at the offering at the temple, when others were giving sizable sums, she gave what would be the equivalent of dropping a ten in the offering plate when that is every bit of money you had. Jesus saw this and it meant more to Him than all of the other offerings. Mary, if she had the chance would have done the same thing for Jesus if the ointment was worth 10 years' wages. Sacrifice is about giving what we have, withholding nothing.
Let me reiterate, Jesus loves any small sacrifice we give to him. He wants all of us, but is overjoyed when we, in our fragility and humanness, give him only a portion. He knows we are human and imperfect, that is precisely why He completed the work of salvation. In Jesus is completeness. He makes up for our lack.
In conclusion, give all you have. Withhold nothing, for the opening of our eyes to see who He is is what praise is, and this requires sacrifice. "Nothing good has ever come without sacrifice."
Love,
Colton
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A Short One as I Lay in Bed.
First off, I have no idea whether it should be "lay" or "lie". Not that concerned, honestly.
Adulthood is oftentimes quite strange. I just had an argument with a dear friend over something I was mildly wrong about and she was going to apologize for but hadn't had a chance to. Finding the balance of standing up for myself and submitting when I ought to submit is tricky. People are so varied, it's a wonder we manage to get along at all. I wonder when I'll realize that we are all equally right and wrong and the only thing that we can count on to be right all the time is Jesus. There I go, being close to post-modernism again. I don't mean it in the nebulous sense of relevant truth, but rather everyone having their own convictions and feelings and the validity of those things. People can't help to feel the way they feel. dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd\\
Sorry about that, fell asleep. I think that's a signal for sleep.
Love,
Colton
Adulthood is oftentimes quite strange. I just had an argument with a dear friend over something I was mildly wrong about and she was going to apologize for but hadn't had a chance to. Finding the balance of standing up for myself and submitting when I ought to submit is tricky. People are so varied, it's a wonder we manage to get along at all. I wonder when I'll realize that we are all equally right and wrong and the only thing that we can count on to be right all the time is Jesus. There I go, being close to post-modernism again. I don't mean it in the nebulous sense of relevant truth, but rather everyone having their own convictions and feelings and the validity of those things. People can't help to feel the way they feel. dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd\\
Sorry about that, fell asleep. I think that's a signal for sleep.
Love,
Colton
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A Delirious Poem
A poem, today.
Delirium Ramblings
On foggy and wet mornings, every perfume smells of you.
A short night's sleep left me in want of caffeine.
Detached and with strange perspective, I hold a grande coffee with room.
Forced delirium leaves eyes with little rest.
Hyperfocused, my gaze finds art and balance in everything.
My uncertain heart held out for you, willfully ignorant of the fact I'm bles't.
Love,
Colton
P.S., A thought on poetry: Poetry's meaning should be known only to the poet and he who knows the poet well. Those reading the poetry long after the poet's death and interpreting his words are generally guessing.
Delirium Ramblings
On foggy and wet mornings, every perfume smells of you.
A short night's sleep left me in want of caffeine.
Detached and with strange perspective, I hold a grande coffee with room.
Forced delirium leaves eyes with little rest.
Hyperfocused, my gaze finds art and balance in everything.
My uncertain heart held out for you, willfully ignorant of the fact I'm bles't.
Love,
Colton
P.S., A thought on poetry: Poetry's meaning should be known only to the poet and he who knows the poet well. Those reading the poetry long after the poet's death and interpreting his words are generally guessing.
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