It is God's will that my heart should hurt. The life a follower of Christ is called to is not an easy one. Being wholly dependent on someone is not easy and can be heart-wrenching at times, but can also be the most fulfilling thing one can experience. God desires us fully and with undivided attention. Practically, this leads us to being scared, being vulnerable, being wrong, being a lot of other things that are not fun. If we are open and dependent on Christ, He will make us into who He most wants us to be. Most often, this means we're more caring towards our friends and other people. Maybe I'm a masochist, but I would rather my heart hurt for the ones I love than have half a friendship. We cannot do anything halfway. Revelation 3 confirms this. But the thing is, we will never experience the unmatched Joy communion with God brings unless we totally open ourselves and give up everything. But note the phrase "unmatched Joy." Though we will never repay God for what He's done, He still give us Salvation. By that logic, God will also grant us the greater gift of eternal Joy in exchange for the pittance of our existence. But let's ignore that for a second.
" 1And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God." 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5
With all of the events that have happened in my life recently, I take this Scripture to heart. If Paul, the guy who wrote a giant chunk of what God considers His perfect message to all of the Church, says that he doesn't know anything, save for one thing, what are we doing theorizing and fretting over anything at all?
I have resolved within myself that I do not need anything at all, I do not care about whatever circumstances I find myself in, I do not care who I am or how I feel as long as I understand what Jesus did and still does for me. If I understand that, then I will serve Him with my whole heart and that is the only thing of importance. I will give up everything I have and will ever have, be the things good or bad or neutral if I can follow God more closely. I once told my motto "love, then everything else will follow" to one of my friends who promptly disagreed with me, saying it wasn't so simple as that, but if it's real Biblical Love and not the emotion of affection and butterflies in your stomach, then that conquers everything else. God is Love, Love then is all you need. Love is preeminent. Our Joy is found in our identity in Christ and that alone. My Joy here recently has come only from really understanding what God has done for me.
Give up everything. Resolve to know nothing, save for Christ's crucifixion. Trust in and believe on Jesus. Amen.
love,
Colton
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thoughts on Overthinking
Well, since I have a blog and I just recently got back from Honduras, I figured I would blog about my visit there. Before we left, I had a couple of people tell me that I would get something out of this trip. Until this very moment, I hadn't realized what it was that I really got. I got no spectacular revelation on this trip, no slobbery, snot-soaked crying session, nothing noteworthy aside from one noteworthy thing I got the chance to be a part of. There was a man at a church we were at who complained of pain in his joints and said he was blind in his left eye. I was one of a couple of people to pray for him and when he opened his eyes, crying, I grabbed a translator who related that his vision was now perfect. I then cried a bit while hugging him and went to sit down after that. What I just now figured out that I got was faith.
That was the first time I'd ever laid hands on someone in prayer and seen them immediately healed and it set me back a little bit. Since then, my confidence and faith in God and what He wants to do has pretty well increased. I think that one of the keys to having faith is to not overthink things. I don't know how many times I've said to myself and others "stop worrying, just love Jesus." We know what faith is, we know how to have it, but we still find ourselves faithless more often than confident in what Jesus can do. It's easy to begin to think "oh, well, what if he's not healed?" or "what if I look like a weirdo going to pray for this guy?" Honestly, it doesn't matter. God, being sovereign and Holy has control and will not let His name be sullied. Jordan Evans and I had a long conversation the other morning where we talked about faith and how the American Church is pretty faithless. Again, the thing is, faith is really simple. You just believe.
Now that sounds all good and well and it sounds like it would make a nice greeting card, but it really is that simple. We overthink everything. One thing I've found out is that overthinking leads to inaction. I feel like I've said that before, but it bears repeating. Now one must take caution because too little thought leads to stupid decisions. A few incidents come to mind with this, but that isn't the focus of this blog. Stop thinking too much and just act. A lot of people don't have any problem overthinking and acting, I commend them for that, it's something I wish I could do with greater ease. I tend to think of every reason why something won't work out or will go bad and then I get so flustered with it that I don't do anything about the present situation.
I've noticed that I've begun a habit of getting my momentum rolling when writing a blog, then abruptly stopping and stating my point bluntly. Not sure if this is a good thing, but it is what it is.
Have faith. Don't overthink it. Go now therefore and act.
Love,
Colton
P.S. Honduras was awesome. I've caught the mission trip bug and I'm definitely going next year wherever we go.
That was the first time I'd ever laid hands on someone in prayer and seen them immediately healed and it set me back a little bit. Since then, my confidence and faith in God and what He wants to do has pretty well increased. I think that one of the keys to having faith is to not overthink things. I don't know how many times I've said to myself and others "stop worrying, just love Jesus." We know what faith is, we know how to have it, but we still find ourselves faithless more often than confident in what Jesus can do. It's easy to begin to think "oh, well, what if he's not healed?" or "what if I look like a weirdo going to pray for this guy?" Honestly, it doesn't matter. God, being sovereign and Holy has control and will not let His name be sullied. Jordan Evans and I had a long conversation the other morning where we talked about faith and how the American Church is pretty faithless. Again, the thing is, faith is really simple. You just believe.
Now that sounds all good and well and it sounds like it would make a nice greeting card, but it really is that simple. We overthink everything. One thing I've found out is that overthinking leads to inaction. I feel like I've said that before, but it bears repeating. Now one must take caution because too little thought leads to stupid decisions. A few incidents come to mind with this, but that isn't the focus of this blog. Stop thinking too much and just act. A lot of people don't have any problem overthinking and acting, I commend them for that, it's something I wish I could do with greater ease. I tend to think of every reason why something won't work out or will go bad and then I get so flustered with it that I don't do anything about the present situation.
I've noticed that I've begun a habit of getting my momentum rolling when writing a blog, then abruptly stopping and stating my point bluntly. Not sure if this is a good thing, but it is what it is.
Have faith. Don't overthink it. Go now therefore and act.
Love,
Colton
P.S. Honduras was awesome. I've caught the mission trip bug and I'm definitely going next year wherever we go.
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Plastic Jewels of Pride
Pride is a terrible beast. It beats it's furry chest and makes us cry when we hurt it. It's a big handsome demon that prevents us from laughing at our silliness. It infects every single person and lies barely noticed until it's so prominent you don't care anymore. I swing between hating pride passionately and being thoroughly but comically annoyed by it. Pride leaves us insensitive and leads us to hurt others. Oh pride, it leaves us blind.
For some reason, I've become really sensitive to pride lately, really good at seeing it and seeing it's effects. I've also noticed that often times, our initial reaction or choice of words is what we actually feel or think before we have time to rationalize it and say what we think we mean or want to mean. That isn't always the case, however, and it varies from person to person. One thing that pride has done to me is separate me from my friends and God, both when I have pride in myself and when I see it in my friends. Pride is one of those things that doesn't go away as we grow up, it only gets worse.
We all know what pride is and what it does, telling all that would be beating a dead horse. To say I have no pride would be both untruthful and prideful, which is quite the opposite of what I would be trying to say. I have lots of pride, unfortunately, and I can now see it better and see what it does, whether it affects me or others. The lovely thing is that Jesus has relieved me of some of my pride and given me the ability to laugh at myself a lot more than I used to be able to. (I phrased that last bit as "used to could" in my head before I typed it as it is. I will always be a Claxton boy and I'm okay with that.)
The only way we get rid of our pride, however, begins with begging Jesus to break us of it, then constantly doing stuff to humble ourselves. God will certainly provide you with enough opportunities to do so. We must then realize that we haven't done anything or achieved anything of worth apart from Jesus. All our talents and gifts are God-given and unless we thank God for them and know that we didn't earn them, it just becomes pride.
When we break our pride, we begin to truly live and truly serve others. When our pride is broken, we know a lightness and a happiness that we couldn't have known before. Because Jesus has broken me of some of my pride, I'm much happier. I laugh a lot more, I don't give the tiniest crap about keeping secrets about myself. It is better to be humble. Much, much better. Again, I know I'm still prideful. I know that I don't know how prideful I am. I've reworded some of these sentences so they didn't sound so prideful which, noting the above point of how our initial reaction is often the truest one, is in itself prideful. If you ever see me being prideful, feel free to call me out on it in front of as many people as you wish. I'll probably cower for a minute, but then agree and laugh about it later.
The pride game never ends. It goes by many names: respect, entitlement, and the like. If you've ever uttered the phrase "I deserve better," you may be correct, but you may also be acting pridefully. Truth is, we don't deserve crap. We have all treated people poorly and God worse. Someone slaps you, whether physically or emotionally, relationally, or whatever way someone may hurt you, you are commanded to turn your cheek so they can do it again. One thing I'm trying to do is to only insist my point or my rightness when it really matters and when I know for a fact I'm right. I often end up insisting my rightness when someone is being prideful and insisting their own correctness, which ends up with me being prideful right back, which I don't mean to do, but it happens a lot more than I like.
Haha, I started this off thinking that I'm kind of humble, but I ended up reminding myself that I'm really still prideful, which brings me to the secondary point of this blog, which is that God often answers prayers in ways other than the ways we want or ask for. I pray, expecting a wad of cash to fall into my hands that will pay for mission trip, but end up balancing my checkbook and realizing that the small donation I did get is just enough to let me work out my finances and not have to worry so much about money when I get back. That in itself was humbling, realizing I'm a greedy dick who would rather take a handout than be fiscally responsible.
All in all, I guess I'll end with this: God is Jehova-jireh, meaning He will provide for us. He is a good Father who loves His children desperately. Jesus is the Great Physician, healing us of our hurts and the hurts we cause others. God probably chuckles as we all run around with our paper crowns and plastic jewels, prattling on about what we're owed. God doesn't, however, screw around and fiercely desires a spotless Bride. That said, we ought to get our crap together, drop the chaff, and focus on Jesus. Lord knows I need to.
Love,
Colton
For some reason, I've become really sensitive to pride lately, really good at seeing it and seeing it's effects. I've also noticed that often times, our initial reaction or choice of words is what we actually feel or think before we have time to rationalize it and say what we think we mean or want to mean. That isn't always the case, however, and it varies from person to person. One thing that pride has done to me is separate me from my friends and God, both when I have pride in myself and when I see it in my friends. Pride is one of those things that doesn't go away as we grow up, it only gets worse.
We all know what pride is and what it does, telling all that would be beating a dead horse. To say I have no pride would be both untruthful and prideful, which is quite the opposite of what I would be trying to say. I have lots of pride, unfortunately, and I can now see it better and see what it does, whether it affects me or others. The lovely thing is that Jesus has relieved me of some of my pride and given me the ability to laugh at myself a lot more than I used to be able to. (I phrased that last bit as "used to could" in my head before I typed it as it is. I will always be a Claxton boy and I'm okay with that.)
The only way we get rid of our pride, however, begins with begging Jesus to break us of it, then constantly doing stuff to humble ourselves. God will certainly provide you with enough opportunities to do so. We must then realize that we haven't done anything or achieved anything of worth apart from Jesus. All our talents and gifts are God-given and unless we thank God for them and know that we didn't earn them, it just becomes pride.
When we break our pride, we begin to truly live and truly serve others. When our pride is broken, we know a lightness and a happiness that we couldn't have known before. Because Jesus has broken me of some of my pride, I'm much happier. I laugh a lot more, I don't give the tiniest crap about keeping secrets about myself. It is better to be humble. Much, much better. Again, I know I'm still prideful. I know that I don't know how prideful I am. I've reworded some of these sentences so they didn't sound so prideful which, noting the above point of how our initial reaction is often the truest one, is in itself prideful. If you ever see me being prideful, feel free to call me out on it in front of as many people as you wish. I'll probably cower for a minute, but then agree and laugh about it later.
The pride game never ends. It goes by many names: respect, entitlement, and the like. If you've ever uttered the phrase "I deserve better," you may be correct, but you may also be acting pridefully. Truth is, we don't deserve crap. We have all treated people poorly and God worse. Someone slaps you, whether physically or emotionally, relationally, or whatever way someone may hurt you, you are commanded to turn your cheek so they can do it again. One thing I'm trying to do is to only insist my point or my rightness when it really matters and when I know for a fact I'm right. I often end up insisting my rightness when someone is being prideful and insisting their own correctness, which ends up with me being prideful right back, which I don't mean to do, but it happens a lot more than I like.
Haha, I started this off thinking that I'm kind of humble, but I ended up reminding myself that I'm really still prideful, which brings me to the secondary point of this blog, which is that God often answers prayers in ways other than the ways we want or ask for. I pray, expecting a wad of cash to fall into my hands that will pay for mission trip, but end up balancing my checkbook and realizing that the small donation I did get is just enough to let me work out my finances and not have to worry so much about money when I get back. That in itself was humbling, realizing I'm a greedy dick who would rather take a handout than be fiscally responsible.
All in all, I guess I'll end with this: God is Jehova-jireh, meaning He will provide for us. He is a good Father who loves His children desperately. Jesus is the Great Physician, healing us of our hurts and the hurts we cause others. God probably chuckles as we all run around with our paper crowns and plastic jewels, prattling on about what we're owed. God doesn't, however, screw around and fiercely desires a spotless Bride. That said, we ought to get our crap together, drop the chaff, and focus on Jesus. Lord knows I need to.
Love,
Colton
Friday, June 10, 2011
To reiterate and surmise without saying it the first time.
Well dang, computer died and I lost the post I was writing. Meh, I'll just surmise the points:
I'll repost a prayer I prayed the other day since it was a good and simple prayer.
Amen and amen.
Love, I think,
Colton
- I don't know things, but I learn them slowly and get closer to God and that keeps me going
- God is good and I'm dumb, but that's okay, because God is good
- The simple, foundational things are the most important: read Bible, pray, know that God is good, don't flip off old ladies
- People are all different
- Glorify God, love God, love people
I'll repost a prayer I prayed the other day since it was a good and simple prayer.
Amen and amen.
Love, I think,
Colton
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Greatest Joy
The greatest joy we will ever experience is being used by God, doing the things He's made us to do. God did not make the larger portion of us for middle management desk jobs, which is why a lot of people in those positions are unhappy. God did not make us to run around incessantly, giving ourselves away and for little to no price. God did not make us to feed our own egos.
God made us to lift each other up, to encourage one another. God made us to learn who He really is, not our preconceived ideas of Him. God made us to love and be loved.
Cast down your cynicisms and build up your brother. Fret not, because God is certainly good.
Love,
Colton
P.S. I chose not to sleep last night, this is a by-product of my experiences and lessons learned over the last while as seen through sleepy eyes.
God made us to lift each other up, to encourage one another. God made us to learn who He really is, not our preconceived ideas of Him. God made us to love and be loved.
Cast down your cynicisms and build up your brother. Fret not, because God is certainly good.
Love,
Colton
P.S. I chose not to sleep last night, this is a by-product of my experiences and lessons learned over the last while as seen through sleepy eyes.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The Reason We're All Buttholes
I couldn't honestly say if this theory is Biblically supported. To avoid any potential heresy, let me go ahead and clarify that I think that sinning and being a jerk or a butthole or otherwise acting in an inconsiderate, uncaring manner are two different things. Many times they involve the other, but they are not inherently the same thing. To stay as close to the Bible as I can, let's quote some scripture that is pertinent to my point I am going to pontificate. But first, I must note that I purposefully placed the words in this and the previous sentence to alliterate, because I do so love to alliterate. Righty then.
". . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," -Romans 3:23
Let it be clarified that first and foremost we are all uncaring jerks. This is because we are sinful, fallen creatures, which is made abundantly clear in the Scriptures. Everything that we do that is unpleasant can usually be boiled down to the fact that we are all effected by the human condition. What I'm looking at is a more specific reason and a very common cause as to why we are jerks and buttholes.
We, as humans, act in unkind, uncaring, generally jerky and dickish ways most often times because we have been hurt in one way or another.
Is this an excuse for our behavior? Mostly no. It means we should have grace when someone is a jerk to us. It means we should aim to avoid hurting people. Hurting people and being hurt are unavoidable, unfortunately. We are a broken people living in a world we broke long ago and continue to break. God is sovereign and is Love and is the Savior of the universe, however, and our actions are made small in the sight of a really big and great God. Let me repeat that: God is Love and our brokenness is inconsequential because of His grace.
It should be noted that many times when we've acted uncaringly, it's because we simply were being inconsiderate. Does that excuse it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. We should still feel bad for hurting someone and we should still try to rectify it, but this is just another reason why we act the way we do. The larger problem of acting out of hurt is the main focus here, however.
I've used the example before of humans being like dogs and God being the master. You get a pack of dogs and they can be loving and playful one minute, but can turn on each other the next, snapping at each other, then being hurt because they were snapped at which causes them to snap at each other even more. With all our combined knowledge and technology, we can never get over our jealousies, our pride, our hurt, our human nature. We are like dogs who return to their own vomit. Hey, that sounds vaguely familiar.
In no attempt to justify or excuse my actions, let me tell you that most of the times and possibly even all of the times that I've been a jerk or acted in an unloving way, it's because I was hurt. I've ignored customers at my job when I've been emotionally hurt. I've ignored friends who have tried to help me when I've been hurt. Should I have tried to get over my hurt at least to the point that I'm not a jerk to people? Absolutely, but unless I was wallowing in my hurt, I don't think God will be very upset with me for acting human.
I won't drown you with examples of this like I tend to do when making a point. The point tends to make itself. Just think about the last time you were a jerk to someone, you should see what I mean. The catch is when we act in response to things we don't know we're hurt about. Whether it was our parents not telling us they were proud of us leading to machoism in guys or mothers not showing love to their daughters leading to controlling women, we act out of our hurt.
Please, please, please, try to examine yourself and see why you act the way you do. If someone has accused you of being a jerk, find the root cause of why they think that. Either they have been hurt and are interpreting your actions as being unkind or you have acted unkind because of some hurt you've experienced, the latter being the more common reason. We are, a lot of times, unaware of our own true intentions, be them good or bad. A good quick start to fix any hurtful situation or to avoid them in the future is to act out of love, which many times starts with just being nicer and more humble. Crazy idea, I know. Just be open to the idea that there is a reason why someone is crappy person, other than them simply being a crappy person. Be open to the idea that you yourself have acted uncaringly and unkindly and that that is why someone has acted that way to you. No one started it, no one is the first to blame, we're all hurt, let's understand this and move on.
I have many times not acted out of love and I regret and am sorry for each one of those times. If I have hurt you, you are more than welcome to tell me about it and I will give you the sincerest apology I can muster. I may explain to you why I acted the way I did, which may or may not lessen your hurt, but I will hopefully not try to excuse my actions.
In conclusion, know this: when people are jerks, it's probably due to the fact that they are feeble, hurting people. Have grace for them like your Father has grace for you. (I feel like that is in the Bible somewhere) Forgive and forget, that's what 1 Cor. 13 tells us.
I love you as much as my feeble human form will let me. We are all dicks. Please excuse the vulgarities, but they're necessary to show how crappy we all are. I'm sorry for treating my friends and loved ones badly. Let us all forgive one another and look to Jesus, the only one who can make us less crappy.
Love,
Colton
P.S. It should be noted that I'm terrible at this. I realize the need to have grace for people for this reason, but I'm not very good at it so I apologize if it came off as if I thought I was. If Paul was the chief of sinners, consider me king of buttholes.
". . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," -Romans 3:23
Let it be clarified that first and foremost we are all uncaring jerks. This is because we are sinful, fallen creatures, which is made abundantly clear in the Scriptures. Everything that we do that is unpleasant can usually be boiled down to the fact that we are all effected by the human condition. What I'm looking at is a more specific reason and a very common cause as to why we are jerks and buttholes.
We, as humans, act in unkind, uncaring, generally jerky and dickish ways most often times because we have been hurt in one way or another.
Is this an excuse for our behavior? Mostly no. It means we should have grace when someone is a jerk to us. It means we should aim to avoid hurting people. Hurting people and being hurt are unavoidable, unfortunately. We are a broken people living in a world we broke long ago and continue to break. God is sovereign and is Love and is the Savior of the universe, however, and our actions are made small in the sight of a really big and great God. Let me repeat that: God is Love and our brokenness is inconsequential because of His grace.
It should be noted that many times when we've acted uncaringly, it's because we simply were being inconsiderate. Does that excuse it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. We should still feel bad for hurting someone and we should still try to rectify it, but this is just another reason why we act the way we do. The larger problem of acting out of hurt is the main focus here, however.
I've used the example before of humans being like dogs and God being the master. You get a pack of dogs and they can be loving and playful one minute, but can turn on each other the next, snapping at each other, then being hurt because they were snapped at which causes them to snap at each other even more. With all our combined knowledge and technology, we can never get over our jealousies, our pride, our hurt, our human nature. We are like dogs who return to their own vomit. Hey, that sounds vaguely familiar.
In no attempt to justify or excuse my actions, let me tell you that most of the times and possibly even all of the times that I've been a jerk or acted in an unloving way, it's because I was hurt. I've ignored customers at my job when I've been emotionally hurt. I've ignored friends who have tried to help me when I've been hurt. Should I have tried to get over my hurt at least to the point that I'm not a jerk to people? Absolutely, but unless I was wallowing in my hurt, I don't think God will be very upset with me for acting human.
I won't drown you with examples of this like I tend to do when making a point. The point tends to make itself. Just think about the last time you were a jerk to someone, you should see what I mean. The catch is when we act in response to things we don't know we're hurt about. Whether it was our parents not telling us they were proud of us leading to machoism in guys or mothers not showing love to their daughters leading to controlling women, we act out of our hurt.
Please, please, please, try to examine yourself and see why you act the way you do. If someone has accused you of being a jerk, find the root cause of why they think that. Either they have been hurt and are interpreting your actions as being unkind or you have acted unkind because of some hurt you've experienced, the latter being the more common reason. We are, a lot of times, unaware of our own true intentions, be them good or bad. A good quick start to fix any hurtful situation or to avoid them in the future is to act out of love, which many times starts with just being nicer and more humble. Crazy idea, I know. Just be open to the idea that there is a reason why someone is crappy person, other than them simply being a crappy person. Be open to the idea that you yourself have acted uncaringly and unkindly and that that is why someone has acted that way to you. No one started it, no one is the first to blame, we're all hurt, let's understand this and move on.
I have many times not acted out of love and I regret and am sorry for each one of those times. If I have hurt you, you are more than welcome to tell me about it and I will give you the sincerest apology I can muster. I may explain to you why I acted the way I did, which may or may not lessen your hurt, but I will hopefully not try to excuse my actions.
In conclusion, know this: when people are jerks, it's probably due to the fact that they are feeble, hurting people. Have grace for them like your Father has grace for you. (I feel like that is in the Bible somewhere) Forgive and forget, that's what 1 Cor. 13 tells us.
I love you as much as my feeble human form will let me. We are all dicks. Please excuse the vulgarities, but they're necessary to show how crappy we all are. I'm sorry for treating my friends and loved ones badly. Let us all forgive one another and look to Jesus, the only one who can make us less crappy.
Love,
Colton
P.S. It should be noted that I'm terrible at this. I realize the need to have grace for people for this reason, but I'm not very good at it so I apologize if it came off as if I thought I was. If Paul was the chief of sinners, consider me king of buttholes.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thoughts on Being Okay with Who You Are (and Pretentiousness)
"I'll have a grande 5-pump, no water, soy Chai with one Sweet & Low at 145 degrees with light foam, and make sure it's light foam and 145 degrees."
I got this from a customer a couple of weeks back. This, or at least something similar, spawned the "Self-Entitlement" song we are fond of singing at Starbucks. I constantly struggle with being okay with who I actually am and trying not to seek validation from others' opinions of me. The funny thing is that when people do this, they get the opposite result they want, most times. Let it be stated forthright that I'm talking about myself moreso than anyone else in this blog.
(I'll keep this blog short, if only to forgo getting down on myself for being stupidly guilty of this for enjoying the lovely day outside)
God made us who we are. Most often times, if not all of the time, any bad habits we have are actually good habits or things that are misdirected. God gave us the genes He did on purpose, gave us the parents He did for a reason, gave us our eccentricities intentionally. Wishing you were different or trying to be different or your idea of better than who you are is, at it's core, dishonoring God. If people don't like you for who you are, then they won't be your friend and that is totally okay.
The fact you like stupidly complicated drinks doesn't make you cool or any better of a person, it gives you no more control over your life. Anyone who knows me knows I have liked my stupidly complicated drinks, hopefully they know me well enough to know that I recently have simplified my drinks. I can still taste the difference between half a pump and a whole pump of vanilla in my chai, but I'm now less picky about it. I've also given up my double tall, half-caf, breve, wet cappuccino with two raw sugars.
Stop having pretenses about yourself, be honest. Stop the constant self-evaluation, love yourself as your neighbor. Just freaking love God, dummy. You know how to do this.
Love,
Colton
P.S. This probably has a darker tone than I meant to, probably because I was fretting over how much of a butthole I can be at times. It's honestly not such a grave thing, everyone does it and God probably just chuckles at how silly we are. To quote Aaron Weiss, "We're like children dressing in our parents' clothes, saying 'nobody knows me, nobody knows me, no one knows my name.'" Fret not, loves and children, God loves us through our pretentiousness and general silliness. Reread this while having in mind the scene of sitting in a sunny window. After you reread this, go outside and enjoy the sun, free from glass.
I got this from a customer a couple of weeks back. This, or at least something similar, spawned the "Self-Entitlement" song we are fond of singing at Starbucks. I constantly struggle with being okay with who I actually am and trying not to seek validation from others' opinions of me. The funny thing is that when people do this, they get the opposite result they want, most times. Let it be stated forthright that I'm talking about myself moreso than anyone else in this blog.
(I'll keep this blog short, if only to forgo getting down on myself for being stupidly guilty of this for enjoying the lovely day outside)
God made us who we are. Most often times, if not all of the time, any bad habits we have are actually good habits or things that are misdirected. God gave us the genes He did on purpose, gave us the parents He did for a reason, gave us our eccentricities intentionally. Wishing you were different or trying to be different or your idea of better than who you are is, at it's core, dishonoring God. If people don't like you for who you are, then they won't be your friend and that is totally okay.
The fact you like stupidly complicated drinks doesn't make you cool or any better of a person, it gives you no more control over your life. Anyone who knows me knows I have liked my stupidly complicated drinks, hopefully they know me well enough to know that I recently have simplified my drinks. I can still taste the difference between half a pump and a whole pump of vanilla in my chai, but I'm now less picky about it. I've also given up my double tall, half-caf, breve, wet cappuccino with two raw sugars.
Stop having pretenses about yourself, be honest. Stop the constant self-evaluation, love yourself as your neighbor. Just freaking love God, dummy. You know how to do this.
Love,
Colton
P.S. This probably has a darker tone than I meant to, probably because I was fretting over how much of a butthole I can be at times. It's honestly not such a grave thing, everyone does it and God probably just chuckles at how silly we are. To quote Aaron Weiss, "We're like children dressing in our parents' clothes, saying 'nobody knows me, nobody knows me, no one knows my name.'" Fret not, loves and children, God loves us through our pretentiousness and general silliness. Reread this while having in mind the scene of sitting in a sunny window. After you reread this, go outside and enjoy the sun, free from glass.
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