I've been realizing the need to look to Jesus. I mean really, really looking to Him. Remembering all the things I say is hard since I say a lot of stuff. When I post here, I usually plan out and think about what I say and make sure what I'm saying is accurate, or at least potentially accurate. I can pose conjecture all day long and a lot of what I say is theoretical. That's not necessarily bad, it helps to figure out stuff, so long as it's balanced with absolutes. The problem lies in finding those absolutes. It's dang hard. The other day, I was going back and forth on a situation, trying desperately to find which of the two sides was right. Jordan Evans pointed out that I should go with whatever side pointed me toward Jesus. Mark Medley solidified that by saying simply to look to Jesus.
C. S. Lewis said something in The Screwtape Letters to the effect of everything being meaningless, but that the important and meaningful part is a thing's tendency to bring you closer of further away from God. This rings pretty true with me. Having a talk with Whitteny the other day reminded me of the fact that earthly things and motives are almost never purely anything. An overall good motive may have some selfishness or bad in it whereas an overall bad thing may have had good motives. The idea of trying to weigh the good and bad of everything makes my head cloudy and my legs fidgety. I honestly believe that everything can be boiled down to how it effects our relationship with God. The degree to which things effect that relationship varies from great to tiny, but it all matters and it all adds up. Should we not fret about how our chicken we had for lunch will effect our relationship with God? Probably, but it matters in some small way. And it's most often times about the heart behind an action and not an action itself, which reinforces the first statement in this paragraph. Am I eating this chicken because I wanted chicken or am I eating it despite my doctor's pleads to eat healthier, thus essentially mistreating my body and the temple God has chosen to live in? Everything is meaningful in a way, but it's also meaningless. God really just wants us to be considerate of Him which requires us to be considerate of people and a lot of stuff we didn't consider being considerate about.
Looking to Jesus, not looking to the painting of Jesus holding a lamb, not praying about what color to paint your room, but really depending on Him and asking for help is all we can do many times. And it's all we ought to do many times. Of course there are physical, practical things we can and should do in life and in situations, but we can't forget the importance of asking Jesus, our Great Counselor, for help. I do all too often. And then I get all existential and worried and doubtful and unfaithful.
In conclusion, I don't know. All I can do is take what I know of Jesus and go from there. Thankfully I've been learning about Him a little more. Not as a historical figure, but as a person. I make bad choices a lot of times, I make choices that upset people a lot of times, and I make good choices sometimes. Thankfully, the ratio of good to bad choices is shifting a little more towards good choices. As long as the choices I make ultimately point me or others toward Jesus, I'm glad I made them. When they don't, I'm glad God has grace for that. With all the doubt and uncertainty and lack of wholeness this world offers, all anyone can do is look to God, the Truth, the A to Z, the author and perfecter of our faith.
love,
Colton
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