It is God's will that my heart should hurt. The life a follower of Christ is called to is not an easy one. Being wholly dependent on someone is not easy and can be heart-wrenching at times, but can also be the most fulfilling thing one can experience. God desires us fully and with undivided attention. Practically, this leads us to being scared, being vulnerable, being wrong, being a lot of other things that are not fun. If we are open and dependent on Christ, He will make us into who He most wants us to be. Most often, this means we're more caring towards our friends and other people. Maybe I'm a masochist, but I would rather my heart hurt for the ones I love than have half a friendship. We cannot do anything halfway. Revelation 3 confirms this. But the thing is, we will never experience the unmatched Joy communion with God brings unless we totally open ourselves and give up everything. But note the phrase "unmatched Joy." Though we will never repay God for what He's done, He still give us Salvation. By that logic, God will also grant us the greater gift of eternal Joy in exchange for the pittance of our existence. But let's ignore that for a second.
" 1And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God." 1 Corinthians 2: 1-5
With all of the events that have happened in my life recently, I take this Scripture to heart. If Paul, the guy who wrote a giant chunk of what God considers His perfect message to all of the Church, says that he doesn't know anything, save for one thing, what are we doing theorizing and fretting over anything at all?
I have resolved within myself that I do not need anything at all, I do not care about whatever circumstances I find myself in, I do not care who I am or how I feel as long as I understand what Jesus did and still does for me. If I understand that, then I will serve Him with my whole heart and that is the only thing of importance. I will give up everything I have and will ever have, be the things good or bad or neutral if I can follow God more closely. I once told my motto "love, then everything else will follow" to one of my friends who promptly disagreed with me, saying it wasn't so simple as that, but if it's real Biblical Love and not the emotion of affection and butterflies in your stomach, then that conquers everything else. God is Love, Love then is all you need. Love is preeminent. Our Joy is found in our identity in Christ and that alone. My Joy here recently has come only from really understanding what God has done for me.
Give up everything. Resolve to know nothing, save for Christ's crucifixion. Trust in and believe on Jesus. Amen.
love,
Colton
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